it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
