I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
