i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
