Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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