His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
