Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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