i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
