look no pants
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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