i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
