The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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