dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
