He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
