i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
