I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am one with the molecules
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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