Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just found a bag of teeth...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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