There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
