I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
