fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
