Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize