she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
