You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
