I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
