Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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