SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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