The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
