the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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