the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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