Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Best friends brother. Beat that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize