Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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