I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
