Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
