Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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