Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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