i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
