I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
