i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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