just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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