Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
