His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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