Whod you bang
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
