if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
