i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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