I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
