worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
