He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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