I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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