I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
