Buhtt sex?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
