officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is Oprah even human
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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