so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
