Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
