I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
