that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
