i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize