i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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