i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Be still, my beating vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
