omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
