I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
