Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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