I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize