Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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