Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
