I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
