im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A bitchslap is in order.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
