i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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