You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
