Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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