I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
