Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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