Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize