I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
