Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
