I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize