i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
