YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My first STD was from a foam party
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
