he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
