Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im part way to drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
