Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
