roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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