There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
