Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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