Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
