Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my poor anus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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