You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
