she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize