Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
