I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
