You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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