A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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