i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
