I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Less talking, more tequila
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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