I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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