Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
