the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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